All you need is Love
My first attempt at writing,hopefully not my last.
I dont have a formal education,not that doesnt mean im not educated.
Ive had many life experiences and personalities.A street smart survivour which i am very proud of,giving me many life skills.
Never meeting my biological father gave me an excuse to feel broken.Although a great man married my mother,had a child and raised me as his own,I always felt out of place,not belonging.a total identity crisis.
I looked up to all my cousins,uncles aunts etc.who were tough guys,drinkers,fighters.criminals etc.I followed in thier footsteps for approval,to be a part of,one of them.losing sight of my shame and my true self,where alcohol and crime became a way of life,deep deep down ,knowing this wasnt who i was,but so clouded with troubles,which occupied my mind.
Im the father of 3 beautiful daughters,and immediately started repeateing the pattern of my childhood,disappearing when my first daughter was born,not meeting her until she was 4.
and i was so far away from myself and reality,drunk continuously,i couldnt think straight.
at 21 i hit my first AA meeting,staying sober for short spurts,but the trail of burned bridges i had left behind seem unbearable to overcome,it was easier to just get drunk again,but a seed of hope had been planted.it took decades and tons of mistakes to grasp positivity.
realizing and finding the power of letting go of being terrified.
I felt the same at school,couldnt fit in ,tryed to be cool,didnt do my work,a had a no care attitude,which ended me sitting in the corner of every class i had,which which made me stand out more,the last thing i wanted,and no respect from anyone, including me,only good thing about going to jigh school was that i would be 16 soon,and im outta here.,
my father gave me 2 weeks to get a job or get out,i chose the latter,the start of my homlessness,which i am still embracing to present day,leaving the house with all my essentials,a guitar and a frisbee ,i walked a couple blocks to a a girls place,and the couch surfing began,
it was awesome,i didnt have to hide getting drunk and stoned,i bacame a transient pro,
i remeber my mom saying "your 21,you better start thinking of your future,3 decades later,still at it,except picking up skills and connections along the way has me in a very comfortable place,
knowing ,loving accepting who i truly am,leadership skills i ahve aquired radiates through me.in touch with nmy deeper self,my spiritual self,my empathetic self,and in love with myself which beams onto others,
i wouldnt trade it as i now see it was my journey which was awesome and has taught me huge lessons which i can compassionately share with others,hopefully offering some guidance
i never thiught i would be writing in a published book,it took being sober,awareness and divine timing,now i dont feel anxiety,rather excitment of what is to come.love you all